On what occasion do you lie?
Only on Proust questionnaires and online dating sites. (I am shorter, balder and fatter than I claim to be.)
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Good grief. Jeez. Make it better.
When and where were you happiest?
I was happiest in creative writing classes in college. For the first time in my life, I felt like I fit in.
Which talent would you most like to have?
Musical talent would be nice. I love watching people play musical instruments.
What is your greatest regret?
I wish I could take back at least half the times I was snarky and superficial because I thought it was funny or cool. I now see it’s braver to be honest and genuine even though it means being exposed to ridicule.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My kids smile a lot and are nice to people. I hope I had something to do with that.
What is the strangest thing in your refrigerator?
A human head. (Oh, don’t worry! I’m not crazy or dangerous. I’m just holding it for a friend.)
Which way does your toilet paper hang on the wall — over or under?
I have it on good authority that “over” is how the Pope, the Queen of England and the Dalai Lama prefer it. My bottom has bowed to this prestigious peer pressure.
Most embarrassing moment?
In my 20s I lived in NYC. On a sunny summer day I was walking north on Fifth Avenue when I spotted Bo Derek heading my way. (If you’re under 40, check IMDB.) She was beautiful. And glowing. Like movie lights were illuminating her. My jaw went slack. As she passed, my head swiveled to follow. She was smiling, surely humored at the effect she was having on this goofy, gangly kid. BAM. I walked right into a little old lady and knocked her down. She wasn’t irate, but she wasn’t happy, either. I pulled her up off the sidewalk, apologizing profusely. She gave me a stern look and then craned her neck down the block. She probably saw the whole, sad chain of events. She just shook her head and waved me off.